Our hero
Dad was my hero. He had a heart made of gold and was always there to support and add perspective on any of life’s challenges.
Dad’s youth was colourful, he would tell us how he used to ride round on the gypsy horse and cart and frequently be shovelling manure from the road. How he always thought his feet didn’t grow properly because he wore shoes too small. How Gran would somehow always be able to get something that ‘fell off the back of a lorry’ to feed an army.
Dad and Mum met at school and were childhood sweethearts. He would often say that he landed his Uptown Girl.
To finance life together at university Dad worked as a labourer on building sites. I think this is where he picked up his fondness for reading the newspaper and certainly wearing jeans. In fact he would often proudly joke with me that he was the first person at university to break the mould of wearing suits and wore jeans instead.
It was safe to say that when the sun was out Dad’s chest would be too. In fact he went to a cricket match with my Grandad once who said it was the first time he’d seen him with the sun out and his shirt on. Dad promptly responded by taking his shirt off.
My Dad was the strongest man I knew, his strength was in his love. He would care for us and give us everything, never asking for anything himself. He would always support us in everything we did. There was no end to the depth of love we were surrounded by in our childhood which continued with the grandchildren.
To many Dad will be remembered as an inspirational and supportive guide in biochemistry knowledge and solutions to a range of problems. He loved the world, the chemistry and the nature of it all.
To me he will lovingly and always be remembered as someone who as soon as he got home from work would discard his suit trousers and don a pair of tracksuit bottoms retaining the full formal shirt, eating a piece of bread and butter before dinner! He would often be caught on the sofa in a position that was so slouchy he looked like he was in fact sat on his back whilst contemplating the ways and origins of the world.
Dad would take me to football training and help with the team. I remember when he would take me to the shops after to pick up a cheeky 10p mix-up and flat cola drink and of course pick up the newspapers while he was there.
Dad always enjoyed exercising. He would run the Totton 10ks with Paul. He would take us to the stoniest beaches on earth to windsurf and eat corned beef rolls in the wind.
Mum and Dad’s home was a place of sanctuary for us all and our new-borns. Dad always had the knack of getting himself into the most awkward looking position on the sofa in order to help the grandchild fall asleep on him. At which point he’d send us on our way to give us a break. We’d return a couple of hours later to find him in exactly the same position with the baby still asleep.
As Grandad he formulated complicated and detailed plans for the Easter Egg Challenge. A challenge as he would set everyone a cryptic clue relating to the location of a chocolate egg. While us middle-aged adults feared this for the embarrassment and ridicule, the grandchildren loved the event and adored goofy Grandad and his crazy antics.
He Dad-danced at Weddings, mopped up gravy with a piece of bread, endlessly debated the defensive tactics or attacking options of the latest Saints team, dragged us round the block for a run, ferried us to and from the pubs and clubs and loved to read a newspaper. He was perfect.
Dad was so proud of us all. No celebration too grand or small. Dad isn’t gone. He is everywhere in the world, in the wind, the falling autumn leaves, the cheeky smiles, the solutions to any problem, the grandchildren and the perfect memories. He took everything in his stride, regardless of what was thrown at him. He didn’t follow the norms, he followed his heart and his heart was always right.
Dad, you are my point of perspective in everything, your support was unwavering. I can see your energy, resolution, resolve and determination in my siblings and the grandchildren alike.
At the heart of everything was his love, which never burned brighter than when with Mum. Dad put family first and cared for us all. In every handshake, in every debate on football tactics, in every competitive game of table tennis I hope you knew how much I love you.
Reflection on Dad’s career
Dad put family above all else, he also loved his work and learning about science. These loves of family, biochemistry and scientific discovery all merged into one powerful determination to be the best he could be for his family and the pursuit of science.
Dad worked for University of Southampton (UoS) as a biochemist at Princess Anne Hospital (PAH) for over 40 years. Undertaking research studies, teaching and writing countless academic papers to further scientific discovery. Most notable was his work on the IVF programme and development of hormonal pregnancy testing – which he wrote his PhD thesis on. His thesis is dedicated to ‘his wife Jill and children Debbie, Paul and Richard (Richard’s existence was first shown by the use of the sensitive assay described in Dad’s thesis).
I have fond memories as a child visiting Dad’s lab at PAH, spinning the lab chairs and centrifuging samples for Dad. The smell of PAH feels comforting and reminds me of being a proud little girl as I walked the squeaky corridors with my Dad of a weekend.
Our pet rabbits, Bowie and Boxer, Dad brought home for us to care for after they had been in the hospital labs, helping the development of new medicines. Their patchy skin became full coats again as they spent many happy years hopping round our garden.
Despite a great passion for his work, Dad was always home for tea at night and most lunchtimes too. He would also prioritise getting us to school on time and being taxi driver in the evening. In my early teens, this meant parking just up the road from the Top Rank at 10pm on a Monday night so I could roll out of the nightclub without Dad seeing me, but knowing he was just up the road to take me safely home.
Mum and Dad both strove to make sure we four children grew up fit and healthy. Even when money was stretched, they tried hard to give us a balanced diet. This drive for health and fitness inspired me to work in public health. Dad is one of the founders of Lifelab, a secondary school programme encouraging young people to be healthy for themselves and their offspring and give them a taste for a career in science. To date, over 10,000 students have benefited from the programme across Hampshire.
Finally, I’d like to share a couple of comments in a card from colleagues who worked with Dad at Lifelab and the Institute of Developmental Science (IDS) at UoS. Professor Mark Hansen said ‘Fred…was the most generous and supportive colleague and friend to us all. Nothing was ever impossible for him and he worked tirelessly and so cheerfully. He would make the most innovative schemes a reality. The IDS and especially Lifelab, countless students, young scientists and doctors owe so much to Fred’. And another from a PhD student ‘Jane’, ‘….Fred supported me through my PhD and set me on the road to a career in science’.
As the Lifelab article on the 3 generations of our family (Dad, me and Cara) highlights, Dad left a legacy of protecting and improving the lives of people today and future generations. This family, our family, has and always will be at the very centre of Dad’s love and ambition.
Life with Dad
When I think of Dad I think of school mornings. He’d shave using a proper brush and a good razor, and the smell of a good splash of aftershave. When he hadn’t shaved he called them his “whiskers”, they could be a little prickly on the cheeks. He had that heavy brown corduroy coat he wore in winter, and his big brown leather briefcase crammed with papers and the sandwiches in tinfoil Mum made. We always listened to golden oldies on the radio on the school drop off.
Dad was kind and generous, always thinking of others, always willing to help. He wanted the best start for us kids, encouraging us in education and our work. He was happy to help explain complicated science, teach us how to solve a maths problem or read through something we had written and providing useful comments in his highly illegible writing, he never minded explaining.
He was a planner and a thinker, he wanted to get things right in his head before he did them. He’d always be early, learning the route and leaving plenty of time. He loved his work and I often caught him of an evening sitting in the Kitchen staring into space trying to solve some complicated problem. He’d like to tell me about the latest gadget he’d gotten and he always had to read the instructions first.
Dad liked the simple joys in life. He used to say “everything in moderation”, not that he didn’t like the odd treat. Fish and chips, cheese on toast, a Turkish delight, chocolate brazil nuts or a walnut whip. He occasionally enjoyed a beer but not often maybe because as a child he was always tending the horse outside the pub rather than in it, a story from his childhood he would often tell.
Dad was good at catching spiders, the big ones he’d pick up with his hands and drop them out the window. I didn’t like spiders when I was little, now I try to catch the spiders like Dad did. He would climb the long ladder and walk across the roof tiles, it seemed so high up to my eyes. He’d sometimes let me go in the attic when he had to go up there and we’d walk carefully on the beams. He wanted to make sure we were always safe. I sometimes think about what Heath sees when he looks at me and I hope it is the same way I looked up to Dad.
Family was most important to Dad. He was always happiest when we were happy, and that said a lot about him. Dad loved Mum so very much and the two of them together were incredible. They gave us four kids such a great start in life, and he and Mum doted on the seven grandchildren. Dad would say it was such a happy time when Heath came and stayed, the grandchildren could expect to be thoroughly spoilt whenever they went to Grandma and Grandad’s. Dad loved us all so dearly.
Family events were such a special time for us, he loved holidays like our trip to Center Parks and Christmas when we’d all descend on the family home, grandchildren in tow. In summer the family would be in the garden, we’d play swingball and ping pong and Dad would fire up the BBQ or we’d have a picnic at Deerleep, where everyone enjoyed a good competitive game of rounders.
Dad and I used to like the Poem IF by Rudyard Kipling, he had it pinned up on the notice board in the kitchen. There are some lines that I feel are apt when I think of Dad. If you can dream – and not make dreams your master. If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim. If you can fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run – yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it. Dad did that. I love you Dad.
Music
Entrance – Now We Are Free (Gladiator)
Reflections – Have I Told You Lately (Van Morrison)
Closing – Uptown Girl (Billy Joel)
Flowers
Order of Service
